Each year while many are preparing for a party with songs of Auld Lang Syne, I’m feverishly getting those goals and dreams inked out for the new year.
As the days counting down to 2013 began to fly by, I longed for my quiet special place to think and ponder on what the next year would bring. But there was to much busyness stirring and daily needs to be met to secure that time and relish in the fresh beginnings.
I cried out to God to refresh my soul and impart those precious nudgings and assignments in my heart. I asked what my goals should be, how I should dream again, and then turned to my Bible. I needed a fresh word. I needed new goals. New dreams. I needed a plan.
I’ve never felt aimless, dreamless, nor lost in my calling and I needed a certain word. I met with friends and we talked about goals. I confessed I hadn’t written any down, but that I would. I explained how this was unusual for me and didn’t seem right, but that I would get it done. Then a few days later another friend asked,
What is your dream?
I stared blankly. No words would come. No visions were dancing in my head.
I had to honestly tell her that at this moment, this day, I was struggling with a dream. Of course, she was a great friend and assured me it was there. I was just too engaged in other things to see it. That it would become clear again soon. But yet my mind hung on to those words —
I don’t have a dream.
That night, I had a come-apart. How could I not have a dream? I’m a dreamer by nature. Where did that enthusiasm or chasing of the God-dream go? Where did that vision from God go?
While the tears flowed and the questions pounded on my heart (I think this might have been a pity-party,) I typed out an email to mentors:
So it didn’t really bother me that my 2013 goals weren’t set in writing yet, but today a friend asked “What’s your God dream for 2013?” I’m sad I don’t have an answer.
I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t have a dream. Was it time to quit? Or just stop until I had direction? Was this just a ploy from satan? Was this God trying to get my attention? My mind was having a huge crazy party and all the chatter was making me dizzy!
One of the mentors finally responded,
You are doing what you are supposed to be doing in the moment. Living ALL at each day is enough. You are exactly where you are supposed to be.
Was I living the dream and missing it?
Hmmmm, interesting thoughts! My mind began to hush as I thought about her wise words. Was this my dream? Is this where God had called me? Longing for confirmation, I turned to His word.
My daily Bible reading that day came from Isaiah 51 and all the Lord spoke to me was . . .
Ponder over Abraham and Sarah! (more on what I’m learning from Abraham and Sarah tomorrow)
Until then, what is your God-sized dream? Are you pursuing it or living it?
If you’d like more about chasing dreams, visit Holley Gerth for her new series.
Alene, wow: “Am I living the dream and missing it”. . .No doubt our loving Father is going to meet you here–and is now. What a beautiful place to be, awaiting Him, seeing Him . . . You are pretty amazing, friend.
While my fire is being re-lit — it’s amazing what God is teaching me as I dig in to the voyage of Abraham and Sarah. I could probably post a series on that alone. There’s just something about having a dream, alive and beating in our soul, that makes it easier to keep pushing on and through. Can’t wait to read that book you are writing.
Hi Alene, I am in Holley’s God-Sized Dream group too. I suggest that to help you connect with your Dream, you try to find just 1 word to be your focus for 2013. It might be easier to choose 1 word, than a whole dream. Last year my word was “Joy”, and this year my word is “Trust”. God would not have put you in this God-Sized Dream group, if He didn’t have a Dream for you! –Janet
Thank you so much for the nudge. Last year I had a word — stop — you can read about it here; https://www.positivelyalene.com/3-stops-that-changed-my-life/. This year I’m struggling with the word, but it is becoming clearer and I really think it is fitting in to what God is teaching in this moment.
Last year was a crazy year. Many dreams were fulfilled, even releasing my ebook Graffiti, but much heartache accompanied 2012. Part of me thinks God is pausing me for a moment to let me breathe, but to tell you the truth — I’m not much of a “pausing kind of girl.” And how dare I get paused on January 1st??? And so I pray and wait and I think the clouds are beginning to lift and a road is becoming clearer.
Learning so much from Abraham and Sarah. Love your word for 2013 – trust. I could probably adopt that one too!!!
Hi Alene,
Thanks for visiting & leaving a comment on my blog today. :) You asked what my dream is. I’ve always wanted to write. It was a dream I watched die until God brought it back (just in the last 2 years) in a competely different way than I ever imagined. I’ve written about it on my blog and will be writing more as we go through this God-sized dreams journey with Holley.
I read in your response to another comment about God letting you pause for a while. I’ve felt that too–that God was telling me to rest until He said it was time to move. Resting isn’t easy for me either. But, I can tell you that when He said it was time to go–it was time to go. :) (Rest when you can! lol)
I’m looking forward to getting to know you through this dream team!
God bless,
Laura
Lvoe love love your comment. As a matter of fact, I’m referring to it in tomorrow’s post!!! I’m so thankful the dreams lives again. Chase after it and don’t let it out of your site. People, ME, need your words. And you are right on about the resting!!!!! Oh how, I’m learning much.
Hi Alene, I’m loving Holley’s challenge to embrace our God-sized dream. To be honest, I hadn’t really thought that much about it. Or better still – I was afraid to dream big because I thought it might seem arrogant? Make sense? Like I wasn’t content with what I have? Yes, there is a “Tribewriters piece turned blog post” in this train of thought :)
I AM content – VERY content – but there is still a restlessness. I believe you understand. I’m praying about this and a LOT of things. Looking forward to meeting you in RL and getting to know you better.
Hugs from VA,
Susan
LOL TribeWriter turned blog post!!! I’m hearing you. The restlessness that stirs is the awakening of big things. Keep wrestling. Keep waiting and praying. And I CAN NOT WAIT TO MEET YOU in Guatemala!! Hard to believe it is just weeks away. Praying for you sista!
Alene i love your honesty and transparency.. I think part of God-sized dreaming is totally learning to live alive in the moments God is giving you now while hoping for the next.. whew.. what a delicate balance. Thank you for your writing.. you are very gifted!
I believe I too, am doing what I am supposed to be doing. The rest will be revealed when it’s time. i have to wait till God tells me the next step.
Oh my goodness, girl… I have to tell you this short(er) story:
so my hubby and I were having dinner with an older couple from our church we had recently met –this was around Christmas. all was going splendidly when all of a sudden the dear women leaned in, looked me square in the face and said “So, Nikki, what is your God-sized dream?” and I was so taken back. I looked quickly at my husband with that “rescue me, please!” look on my face. He looked at me with the “Answer her before it’s awkward” back…
and I took a deep breath and said I wasn’t sure. I don’t think about it enough because I’m so thrilled with this scandalous love affair I’m already in….and I went on and on….
she finally interrupted me and said “You may not think you have any God-sized dreams. But, you do. When you meet Him face-to-face, what do you want Him to say to you? That, Nikki, is your God-sized dream”.