It’s been hard. Oh yes, I bet we can all “amen” that a million times!
We greeted 2020 with hopes and dreams, only to find out three months later it was going to dish us something most of us have never seen before — a pandemic. And despite the worry that the Covid virus brought us, there was social distancing, business shut-downs, toilet-paper shortages, Black Lives Matter protests, riots, churches closing, travel bans, and a Presidential election all thrown into our paths. 2020 you were not the year we agreed on.
There were days of confusion, doubt, and tears — many tears.
Longing for normalcy, I didn’t have many hopeful days the last half of the year. Maybe you didn’t either!
And for some of us, this was just the superficial hurts we were going through. The brokenness on the outside we all struggled through. It was easy to share and grieve those losses together. We might have disagreed, but we were in this together.
But for me, I came limping into 2020 hurt and damaged as I’m sure many of you did. This was an unseen hurt I hid from most. I went through one of the hardest times of my life in crisis mode and only my closest inner circle of friends and family knew the specifics. I was at the end of my rope hanging on by a thread looking for hope and a new day. I was living in shock and fear. I was confused, beaten down, and spent.
There were no words or actions to make it better. My body was in shut down mode and it was time to tend to me.
During a counseling session, I heard a whisper, “maybe it’s time to be silent.”
We were heading into 2020 and I took on the challenge to be silent. There were to be no speaking engagements, teaching sessions, or writing assignments. For someone who talks, loves to talk and process deep thoughts, this was going to be a challenge.
I had nothing to give anybody. So challenge accepted.
2020 was a year of being quiet. I wasn’t on social media very much. Trying to pen words to digest for myself, I realize nothing made sense. All I could do was be quiet and wait.
About half-way into the year the world seemed out of control. BLM protests broke out and everyone was screaming their point of view and presidential election arguments grew even louder, a friend called and asked, “Why are you so quiet? Why are you not saying anything?”
The truth is I didn’t have anything to say. I was fighting my own inward battles and screams, but it was easy to answer with the other truth that this was my year to be silent. I didn’t need to voice an opinion or feel the need to even have one.
The gift of silence brought me so much in 2020.
There was pain, at first. Who wants to be silent when it seems the whole world is talking? I’ve never been one to sit idly by and not get involved in the conversation. This new practice of silence was a challenge.
There was freedom knowing I didn’t need to speak or form an opinion. Too many of us these days hear some kind of news and before we can truly process the truth of what happened we are running to our social media platforms to voice some kind of opinion. Usually these opinions are negative and hurtful.
There was knowledge. Oh how true it is, we learn so much more by listening than we do talking. Sitting in silence is a great way to learn more about your world, as well as your family and friends. Learning to be silent is a blessing.
We traveled to Death Valley National Park. At the Devil’s Golf Course, if you go out and sit among the salt flats in silence you can hear the flats talking. As the salt crystals form and pop they ring beautiful tunes. You would not hear this if you were talking. There’s unexpected beauty in silence.
There was healing. I needed to sit quietly with myself for inward healing to begin to take place. The writer of Lamentations shares his grief and scripture says, “Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him.” Lam 3:28 It’s from this place of silence before the Lord that you can soon turn around and see that his mercies are new every morning.
Oh it is most awkward at first to tell others you don’t have anything to say when they ask, but it was what healed me. There are times in your life when you must focus on yourself first. It’s not selfish, it’s a gift.
While we say good-bye to 2020 and the mess it created, it was the gift of silence in 2020 that brought me through a difficult time.
Listen to the silence, it has much to say.