As I walked to the front of the class to teach, really all I wanted to do was crawl under a table and be invisible. Who was I to teach this lesson? How can you teach effectively when you really haven’t learned the lesson yourself?
My heart was beating fast and I was remembering a phone call I had had with a dear friend on my was to teach. Sharing my inadequacies and not knowing where to go, she gently nudged me forward. Drying my eyes, I began to recite “I can do all things through Him who has called me” over and over. My spirits lifted and I was ready for class — I had prepared and done my part, now I would just have to watch God show up.
Standing there before the class I felt so vulnerable. I couldn’t act like I had this lesson and truth down, because they would be able to see right through me. As I stared at their eyes, I felt their eyes staring back as if they were looking at the nakedness of my soul and the truth of what was in my heart. I could feel the tears beginning to form and my throat tightening up. All I knew to do was pray, to open with the prayer of my heart and let God come in and cover my nakedness so His truth could be seen.
I’m not sure if you’ve been in a situation like this recently, where you are out of your comfort zone feeling naked, vulnerable, and so alone — it is a scary place. A place where you begin to see the darkness under tables and want to run for cover. A place where you’d rather just cry and beg forgiveness for not having conquered what you are teaching, than have to teach the truth of God’s word. However, I learned this is also a place where although my soul wants to run from God He comes in, covers me with His clothing of grace, and says “job well done.”
When you want to run and hide from what God is calling you to do, remember God didn’t ask you to be perfect – He just asks you to perform what He has called you to do.
Striving for perfection will always leave you feeling naked and vulnerable. Come out from under the table today, and live life in His grace.
When was the last time you felt so vulnerable you wanted to crawl under a table and rock back and forth in the darkness?
Striving for perfection will always leave you feeling naked and vulnerable – so very true. Love those words.
Shelly – that perfection thing I’m so trying to conquer. You’re so right it leaves you naked and vulnerable every time — not to mention let down over and over because there was only ONE who was perfect. Measuring up to that is just impossible. Thanks for stopping by today.
If you are teaching a class you were hired to teach, you are qualified. If you are teaching a class you volunteered to teach, you are qualified. You prepare and then do the work. Don’t make more out of this than you need to make of it. Get over yourself, it helps. I’ve been there, done that. :)
Well, this is a class I am teaching along side of our Pastor. And yep, it’s time to get over myself. The class was on guilt and as God wrecked my heart I realized why I still struggled was because my eyes were on myself and not God. Thanks girl!
I SO appreciate your words, Alene. I felt very vulnerable last month when I shared with a group from our church about teaching tips. Who was I to tell them anything? They were better teachers than I could ever be.
But with my current church situation, I feel even more vulnerable–like I’m being hung out to dry if God doesn’t come through. But he will come through. He always does. I may not always like HOW he does, but he does.
Thanks for your encouragement here.
It is so hard to teach when we think we don’t “have it all together” or “know everything about what we are teaching.” But that’s when God can come in and do His thing! So thankful He always comes through. Thanks friend.
Alene, it is our definition of perfection or expectation of what perfection is, that is making us vulnerable. You know what, in the of eyes of Him we are perfect, just the way we are….weakness and all :) Blessings to you friend.
Mercy girl – there’s that word – perfection! Urgh, it gets me in trouble every time because I want to be and I’m not. Thanks for the encouragement!
My last two posts caused me to feel naked and like I forgot to wash my face and jam was still there on my cheeks. Hurridly I posted a guest devotional to cover them up and at first thought of even deleting the two. Then there came comfort from some blogger friends and I left the posts there.
Well, now you have me curious and I’ll definitely be hopping over to check out those posts. I’ve had that feeling before – it’s like you hit send and fear, doubt, and vulnerability steps in and I don’t know about you but I FREAK out! Thankful you didn’t delete those words. They were probably meant for somebody – maybe me? Headed over now. Thanks for your words.
This is how I feel about blogging some days . Every time I blog and reference scripture, I am so afraid I will mislead someone. I am learning that it’s okay to be the imperfect me that God created. Only with and through Him will I ever attain perfection (not in this life time). I know you did amazing! I know your heart!
Any time you put yourself out there you feel so naked and vulnerable. I love what you said – learning to be imperfect! I love what Steven Furtick said tonight at C3 — God will not answer all your questions, but He will affirm your purpose. I don’t know about you, but I always seems to come up with a ton of questions in my head — why do I feel this way, how can i do this, do i know enough, am I knowledgable enough, etc. Thanks girl!
This is the very reason I fought God for so long about blogging. I knew He wanted me to share my heart and I didn’t want to feel that uncomfortable! Some day I’ll learn that all He’s asking me to do is to show up. To do my part. He’ll take care of the rest. And I pray every day that when others “look” at me so naked and vulnerable through the computer screen, that all they’ll see is Him. Then I’ll know I’m doing it right. that’s what I’m striving for, anyway. . .
Thank you, Alene for this post! you just filled up my joy tank.
All for Him,
Nikki
So hard to be real with the world. It’s easier to hide underneath that table. :) Thanks girl!
Oh, this absolutely speaks to my perfectionist tendencies: “When you want to run and hide from what God is calling you to do, remember God didn’t ask you to be perfect – He just asks you to perform what He has called you to do.”
Thank you for sharing that today.
I’m trying to lay to rest that thing of perfectionism around here. EEEKS – it’s so hard! Blessings.
“All I knew to do was pray, to open with the prayer of my heart and let God come in and cover my nakedness so His truth could be seen.”
I believe this is all any of us can ever really do. Pray. Pray for God to come in, and cover, and reveal His truth. He is so faithful.
What class were you teaching?
I’m so thankful for the gift of prayer. God always puts things in perspective!
I’m co-teaching “Enemies of the Heart” by Andy Stanley. It’s a phenomenal study. This particular week just happened to be on guilt and it was speaking straight to my soul.
Alene, often feel this way when I write or share a testimony. I know the enemy does this to all of us who share anything for the glory of God because he wants to stop it. But it helps me, and I’ve learned it puts others at ease, when we’re real even if it means letting them know that we haven’t “arrived”, and all that’s good in us is because of Him Who loves us. You keep on teaching and preaching it girl…it’s good!
Love following you in your new space here. Blessings!