What do you fear? Come on now, be honest.
There are so many fears that try to attach themselves to us and here on Tuesday’s we talk about stepping over them. We challenge each other to step out and in to the world unknown. Yes, that’s scary but it’s essential.
Not all fears seem as monumental as:
reaching out to the homeless
going to the top of the Empire State building
interviewing for that job you want
Some fears are hidden and lay silent deep within our heart.
I walked in to an office and the news was streaming “Joan Rivers has died.” It stopped me in my tracks. No matter what you thought about the woman, she made me laugh and think. Her wit was fast, but yet there were always morsels that left you pondering something she had articulated.
As the sad news lingered on the screen they began showing old clips. Joan as the comedian. Joan in the early years. Joan on talk shows.
In one segment, she was being interviewed and being real. The news person asked, “What do you fear?”
Joan answers quick, “This is what I fear!”
She holds up a calendar page that is blank. Nothing written on it. No appointments or events scheduled. “This is what I fear. When my calendar is blank it means that I’m no longer needed. No longer making a difference. No longer of value to others.”
My heart could feel hers in that moment. I long to make a difference too.
And in the quest to make a difference there were days that I put so much on my calendar that it was a blur. Actually the day ended up becoming a mess. I’ve had to learn that there has to be a balance. And just because something will make a difference, does not make it my difference to make.
Learning how to say yes to the right things has been a challenge for me. There are so many great things that can fill our calendars, but yet when it’s the wrong yes that we’ve added we end up stressed. Stressed people usually do not make a difference.
I don’t want my calendar to lie flat with blank days and hours. Truthfully, I fear not making a difference just as Joan Rivers had so perfectly described. I know that sounds crazy, but I want to leave a mark on this world too.
So while I’m not fearful of heights or interviews, I am afraid that my life will not be of value to others.
What about you?
QUESTION: What are those fears that linger in the back of your mind just pestering at you day in and day out?
I fear that what I offer the world isn’t wanted–or that I have nothing of worth to give. I fear that the words I say and write mean nothing to anyone else.
I get those fears!
Not trying to be vague, my greatest fear is that there is nothing I can do to avert or avoid my greatest fear. The feeling that it is inevitable, rushing toward me, unstoppable. That fear is that there will be forever an unredeemable blot on the record of my life, my existence, a big red X on the page that evaluates my stewardship of my life, gifts, talents, opportunities, given to me by the Creator, due to the little lesser fears that keep me small, in-timid-ated, hiding, and self-protective. What I hate is that even this ultimate fear does not motivate me enough to break through the lesser fears that create the greatest fear. O wretched man that I am. And then there is the unspeakable fear beneath even that; so terrible that its possibility remains under the blanket of denial most of the time until somebody asks : “what do you fear?” The unspeakable but not un-typeable: “Get away from me, I never knew you….”
I do not think your calendar has EVER been empty and you are definitely making an impact. Thanks for all you do.
Just trying to make sure my yeses on my calendar these days are the right ones. You are good at that!!! Help…..
God seems to be working on the issue of fear in my life. Discussions on the topic seem to be everywhere! I really enjoyed reading this. I had not seen much of Joan Rivers but like you, her fears resonate with me. A blank calendar could easily feel like an empty life. Or…is it full of space for God to work? :)
I have a fear similar to yours, Alene. I believe i have something to offer the world that can make a difference; but I fear there may not be enough time to do that before my candle goes off. At the same time i believe that what God my creator wants me to do, he will give me enough time to do it.