31 days of anonymity {day 20 – dear sister}

Dear Sister,

I know I screwed up majorly. I’m the one who offered to help and then didn’t show up. I left you hanging. Oh how I wish I could get a do-over of this week.

I’ve never done that before! I’ve never offered to watch other child and then completely forget. When I realized what I had done, 45 minutes after I was supposed to be there, my heart sank and a pit lodged itself deep into my stomach.

I wanted to blame my husband because he came home during the week threw me off my normal routine. But it wasn’t his fault.

I wanted to blame you for not calling or texting when I didn’t show up. But it wasn’t your fault either.

It was my fault.

I guess what makes my big screw-up so hard for me, is that this was my way of reaching out, showing you I care, that I want to be part of your life. Though you may not believe that to be true, it is.

It’s also frustrating because all the other times you were mad at me before were not my fault. It wasn’t anything I did or didn’t do. It was simply the fact I didn’t do what you wanted me to do. I didn’t live up to your expectations. But whether or not you recognize that, I could always feel your disappointment.

I know you have me in a box. And unfortunately this mistake slammed the lid shut.

This one was my fault and I’ll own it.

I want you to know this hasn’t been easy for me. I’ve been carrying around this guilt and regret and thinking about how I have ruined my chance of showing you who I really am, that I really do care.

All I can do is apologize and ask for your forgiveness.

Sister, I am so sorry. Truly, with all my heart, sorry. Please forgive me.

 

 

 

P.S.  I want to share something with you that I read today from Jesus Calling:

“Instead of regretting or resenting the way things are, thank Me in all circumstances. Trust Me and don’t be fearful; thank Me and rest in My sovereignty.”

I know it’s easier said than done and I really don’t understand how to do it. But I will thank Him for this day, for you, for this circumstance. Because if there is anything that I have learned in the last 2 years, it is that He can grow us leaps and bounds through our trials and struggles. And we come out the other side looking back, smiling, and finally understanding one more little piece of the bigger picture.

Dear Anonymous,

Oh how it hurts when we hurt others unintentionally. I pray your sister sees your heart and forgives. I pray that time will heal. I am proud of you for owning up to your mess-up. So many times the healing process is delayed because we want to play the blame game.  You didn’t. May God bless you immeasurably more as you work through this situation.

Dear Reader,

Have you ever unintentionally hurt someone? If so, how did you help the situation?