Dear Satan,
You are a sneaky one…
using something as innocent as food to draw me away from my One True Love. You had no scruples because you started with me at the age of 5. You used my mother in ways a mother should never be used to ingrain the idea of ‘FAT’ into my head.
Your scheme began long before I was born when you had her work with women who alternately binged and then starved themselves in order to lose weight. You knew it would flip a switch in my mother’s emotions so she would determine that neither she, nor her daughters, would ever be overweight. From as early as I can remember the words ‘fat’ or ‘fattening’ were regularly served up in our home, thanks to you.
“No, you can’t have ________________. It is fattening.”
“That will make you fat.”
“Look at how fat that woman is.”
Ugh!! I don’t recall a season in my life where my weight was not an issue.
Although I was never fat, I was certainly chunky as a teen. That is when the messages really began to penetrate the bulls-eye of my emotions, although what I internalized was not exactly what was being said. But, that is how you wanted it, wasn’t it, you demon of hell?
“If you are fat, no one will ever ask you out for a date.”
“In order to be accepted you must be skinny and popular.”
“The less you eat, the less you weigh.”
You thought you had won the battle when I decided I could live on 600 calories a day, didn’t you? What I did not realize until two decades later when I was in my 40s was that skinny was not what you were after. You were after a divided heart. You wanted my heart to be idolatrous and, boy, was it ever! My body was my idol, my god. All the while you sat on the sidelines and cheered, knowing my focus was not on Jesus, but on me.
What you did not count on was that I would eventually run to Jesus, begging for forgiveness and restoration. You also did not count on me never blaming my mother for my anorexia. You would have experienced absurd delight if I had been bitter and angry toward her, but I wasn’t. I take full responsibility for my anorexia, my idolatry.
Although I still struggle on occasion, you no longer have a foothold on my heart.
My heart is sold out to Jesus and any leanings toward anorexia send me running back to Him for strength and grace. So, high-tail it back to hell where you belong. Satan, You have no authority here!!
Sincerely and with a grin,
Dear Anonymous,
What an incredible heart. While you could have easily blamed your mom, you saw straight through the scheme of the evil one. That pesky serpant will use anything he can to get the best of us, and especially where family relationships are concerned. So yes . . . Satan, high-tail it back to hell where you belong! <——-tweet that, it’s good! (shoot, let’s pin it too) Thank you for sharing your struggle. “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8) Oh yes, he’ll try his best to devour us. Thank you Anonymous for winning the battle and fight. You are an example to each of us!
Dear Reader,
How does satan try to get to you? Battling our thoughts on our self-image are hard! The world screams skinny, tall, no calorie, etc. If any of you are struggling with an eating disorder and are looking for someone to talk to, please visit my friend Leah Adams by clicking here. Please leave some comment love below for Anonymous.
I’m linking up with Chatting at the Sky and The Nester for a31 Day series. The challenge is to write everyday in October. Last year I wrote about 31 Days of Living with Purpose. View the series here. This year I am writing about 31 Days of Anonymity and I hope you’ll join in. The specifics about this series and how you can get involved can be found by clicking here. I hope these letters by anonymous souls will give a voice to your silent hurt.
Oh wow!! Thank you for sharing your life and heart!! I’m glad God worked thru your weakness and that thru it all your whole heart belongs to Him. Satan is always there prowling around- by acknowledging that he is there and working he loses all power. This helps me remember I need to be on the lookout for ways satan is trying to divide my heart and examine what my idols are.
You say it so well —– satan is always there prowling around (URGH) but by acknowledging that he is there he loses all power. HALLELUJAH — may we all just learn to acknowledge. It’s not our flesh in the battle, nor the people in the flesh in the battle — but yet a spiritual battle where satan has already been defeated if we will but acknowledge that.
Thank you for these powerful words!
I just want to stand up and cheer out loud!!! SO proud of you! Way to go!
Me too! Me too! YAY! WAY TO GO! CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!!
I love stories of victory — gives me so much hope and courage to keep on fightin’!
Praise Jesus — Praise Him.
I am so happy that you found freedom in HIM, and can see the TRUTH, and that it has set you free from his grip.
You are a miracle, sweet sister. *hugs*
Yes, Yes, Yes PRAISE HIM PRAISE HIM PRAISE HIM.
I’m pretty sure there’s a song along those lines. Singing it from the roof tops for the miracles God still does today!
What are sweet Father has given us is our divine, individual worth. Satan strives to constantly take that divinity and image away from us. The farther we stray from recognizing our divinity, I think the farther we stray from our Father in other areas in our life. Just my thoughts…
Love you Alene, yeah I will be pinning you. You are an amazing women glad to see you here, God is Amazing.
Thank you! But these are the amazing women — bold and brave to share their silent hurts so we can all heal through them. Blessings!
Wow. That’s powerful!
Oh mylanta…
AMEN!
the enemy is not so crafty after all…it seems he only has a few messages and yet we’re tempted to take them personally. yes, satan, you have no hold here. We know who wins and we’re standing with Him!
and I’ll cling to His whisper that I am worth dying for…
Thank you for those sweet whispers that tell us all we are worth it, we are special, we were made for more, and for HIM!!!!
I tell you — I’m becoming so repulsed by the enemy and his endeavors. While he has nothing new up his sleeve, he sure is good at crafting lies where so many of us fall for them.
Oh girl — so reminded that this world is not our home!!! HALLELUJAH.
Powerful, powerful. Oh, and this is something in which so many can relate. Thank you for sharing your words, and your story here. Brave, brave, brave, girl.
Loving all your comments because it shows love and encouragement to those who have written in. I totally agree Brave, Brave, Brave girl! Love how she is willing to put her heart out there in hopes that it will help others. Oh that we might all be that brave.
Reminds me of Nicole Nordman’s song — “I wanna be BRAVE!”
A very powerful post. How Satan loves to kill our joy. I’m glad so many are seeing through his schemes. Thanks for sharing this, Alene. Blessings!