Dear God,
I know that I can say this to You because you’re big enough to take it, and because You love me in spite of my hurt, but You’ve broken my heart.
I’m pretty mad at you, actually.
I love you with all my heart, all my mind, and all my soul, but I’m angry and disappointed.
You see, You’ve blessed me with this huge heart for You. You’ve blessed me with great faith. And You’ve blessed me with a light to shine in the world for You.
And yet I sit alone in Your Church, worshiping and praising You alone.
Alone.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m surrounded by a wonderful, compassionate church family that truly loves and cares for me. But I come to worship, week after week, and sit in a row toward the front without my dear husband by my side. He doesn’t come to church with me because You’ve grown my faith over the last decade, but not his.
I can’t blame him, because we started our lives together 17 years ago on the same page. I’m angry and disappointed that You haven’t worked in his life in the same way you have mine.
You’ve blessed me with a wonderful man to share my life.
In fact, this very man has been one of the ways I can see You moving and working in my life. He is a gift from You, that I know for certain. He loves me, protects me, provides for me, makes me laugh, encourages me & lifts me up when I’m down. And he believes in You. He really, truly does.
But he doesn’t know how to Trust in You, and he definitely doesn’t trust the church, any church. He can’t get past the hurt, bitterness, and betrayal of his earthly father. He can’t see You. He can’t feel You working in His life. He doesn’t know the beauty and peace of Your Love and he hasn’t experienced what it’s like to rest, truly rest, in You.
You’ve brought me from unbelief to unshakeable faith over the last decade.
You’ve given me undeniable signs along the journey where I can see You moving and working in my life. You’ve taught me the gift of freedom in obedience to You. You’ve taught me to say Yes to You, even when it’s scary and unfamiliar, and that You’ll bring me through it by Your power, not my own. And most recently, You’ve started a process of deep healing in me, healing that is absolutely coming from You, without doubt.
The more my faith grows, the more I see what my dear husband is missing. It’s not about sitting alone in church anymore. He needs you, God. He needs your healing, your Love, and he needs to learn how to Trust You. You’ve taught me that Your timing is perfect, that Your Plans don’t always make sense, but that Your will is good and pleasing.
I’ve seen You working on his heart, God.
I know You have Plans for him. My hope and my trust are in You, Lord. And so I ask You, Father, to grant me patience for your timing, to use me in His life, to help me pray without ceasing on his behalf.
I know You love him just as much as You love me. I ask You to bring him to relationship with You. He needs a Father.
He needs You.
Dear Anonymous,
Dear One, how your letter resonates with many a woman’s heart. There’s nothing more than a girl wants than for her man to be the spiritual leader of the home. So many women go to church without their spouses and so many feel awkward. I’m thankful you see blessings and are plugged in as you wait for God’s blessing. You are inspiration!
Dear Reader,
Are you a woman who longs for your husband to be the spiritual leader? Oh, take comfort and hope from this anonymous letter.
Oh Anonymous,
My heart aches for the pain during the waiting, but rejoices in the beauty that you can see right now, even though His time table is not ours.
Praying for you, and for all women who are in similar situations.
Thank you for your bravery, and honesty.
I have several friends who could have written this same letter. It is such a difficult place to be. I’m thankful that you are able to attend but will pray that God reaches your husband’s heart and draws him to a new understanding about ‘church’ and how wonderful it can be to attend as a family.