Dear HS Drill Team Instructor,
Little did you know when you told me I was fat in front of 52 other high school girls I was already bulimic and throwing up every meal and starving myself over the weekends so I could weigh 105lbs for you on Monday morning.
Little did you know that when you asked me to go into the bathroom after I “failed” your weigh in to try and lose a few ounces by going to the “bathroom” I would cry as I tried to throw up food that was not there.
Little did you know that when you had your “talk” with us about warnings signs of eating disorders and things we should look for in our friends you gave me the idea of using laxatives as another way to rid my body of waste.
Little did you know that while I was on the back line excluded from others for “weight” probation my stomach was hurting so bad from having not eaten all weekend. I literally should have passed out.
Little did you know telling me my legs were muscular and from the stands appeared heavy on your kick line that would distort my view of what skinny was.
Little did you know every time I had to say “Thank You, Yes Ma’am” would I cringe inside for when I looked at you I saw pure evil.
Little did you know 9 years later my parents would spend months driving an hour just to watch me finish a meal so they knew I was eating something each day.
Little did you know that when I wore a size 0 or a size 2 well into college that I still pictured myself as the short “fat girl” in the drill team who to you looked heavy.
Little did you know
that when I said NO MORE through the help of a therapist finally at the age of 27 able to look up and surrender to God and for the first time in over 10+ years feel beautiful on the inside again…
Little did you know that I have 2 little girls now who will never hear me say I am fat or I need to lose weight, even if it is the truth. For their body image will not be shaped by negative comments about me – from me.
If I could talk to you today I would say
“Despite the fact you tore me down and belittled me in front of my friends and some mean girls in High School you do not have the final say. Your words are empty, I wish I had thought they were empty back then.”
I was a little girl, yes at 15 you are still a little girl… and you were an adult. I don’t care which NFL team you cheered for before you became a dance teacher it did not give you the right to humiliate me or call me fat when that was so far from the truth. It was high school and I was dealing with growing up. Your words cut me then but don’t hold anything on me now.
If you are still in a director role, I hope that you have come to see that all little girls are beautiful and that we are all fearfully and wonderfully created by God, not by you. I just wanted to dance and you stole something from me that year I was under your direction but you couldn’t steal my joy!
I wonder if you have ever had joy in your life…
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for writing. I’m reminded how powerful our words are. One misspoken sentence, let alone a barrage of statements, can wound our souls needlessly. I’m so thankful to our Father for rescuing you, to your parents for being there for you, and to you for being willing to fight the fight so your girls will not experience the same. You remind me to protect my words – to guard them and make sure they lift up and not criticize. “And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! (James 3:10 NLT)
Dear Reader,
Have you been affected negatively by something someone said to you? Do you judge yourself by your body image? If not, please offer encouraging words to those that might in the comments. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ANONYMOUSLY.
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Dear beautiful, beautiful Sister.. Your words haunt me, because I was that girl, not on the dance team, but on the gymnastics team where every ounce of shame settled on my heart from coaches if I weighed even an ounce over the prescribed weight scale. I so very much know your pain, and I stand up tonight, applauding YOU, beautiful sister, for your strength, and for your love for your own daughters. Weight doesn’t define either of us, the Lords truth does. And though those that shamed you publicly will answer to that, I pray that your coach back then will be made aware however the Lord sees fit, so her own insecuritythat she projected onto you, or other girls as she did ,will be addressed as He sees fit. You are nothing but a STRONG, and beautiful princess of our Most High God – and HE loves it that you do a high kick, and dance about in wild abandon as you lift Him up in praise!! You are loved, sister.. deeply by our Abba Father this very night.
To dance in wild abandon — how freeing — not thinking about who others think you are, how you look, or what others will say. Totally freeing. Thanks for this beautiful picture. So thankful you Anonymous girls have been captured by the Most High God for great good and love. Your testimonies rock!
I really strive to not talk about feeling fat or being on a diet in front of my 14 year old daughter. I tell her how beautiful she is and I TRY to look at eating in a healthy manner. We are so impressionable when we are young. I don’t want to do years of damage to my daughter by even the slip of the wrong word. So sad that this woman caused you years of harm. It sounds like you’ve turned things around, though. Good for you!
Thank you, LIsa, for being so sensitive to this. I don’t think it’s that we ever mean it, but my how those muffled words that are spoken linger and haunt moms and daughters for years. What a blessing God has restored Anonymous for her to share. Blessings girl.
Thanks for sharing your story!! This makes me want to be careful about words and actions I use with my daughter!!
One day, in high school, my drill team leader told me my legs were getting chunky, even though at 5’6″ I weighed only 95 lbs. I wasn’t bulimic ‘thankfully’ but I sure did have other eating related issues! I’m so glad you were able to share your letter and have done the work to heal your heart! Mostly though, I’m thankful that your daughter(s) will Never have to suffer the way you did because of unhealthy words being spoken into her life! Thanking God that He has redeemed your heart and given you JOY!!
Thank you for your courageous words. My father said twelve little words that still haunt me, “if you keep eating like that no man will ever want you!” I was 9 years old.
I’m so thankful you are choosing to protect your daughters from words that sting. I heard my mom talk about herself being “fat” all the time. When in actuality, she was a normal body weight.
Our society has their lenses in backwards. Thankfull we are defined by who we are In Christ alone.
Bless you beautiful one. I pray you dance…
Words are so much more powerful than we can imagine. Words are what led me to anorexia. We must speak words of life and healing to each other and not tear down what God has called ‘good’. Bless you, dear one.