Dear Divorce,
I’m not sure exactly what you are. I don’t know if you’re just a bad decision people keep making; that I made, but you’re cold.
My dad died when I was one so I don’t really remember him. My mom remarried and I remember her telling me we were moving to Houston to be with my aunt. My sister and I wanted to visit him; he was the only father we knew. We did a couple times. No phone calls. No reaching out on his part. I was 6 years old. I was confused. No explanation given.
Cold.
Mom remarries. I remember my mom telling me she was divorcing again. As my sister and I sat there crying with my mom, I watched him pick up his bowling ball, look at us and walk out to go to his bowling tournament.
Cold.
Mom remarries. I remember my mom telling me she was divorcing again and I never got an answer why, just that she was no longer married to this man we barely knew. Cold.
Mom remarries. I remember my mom telling me she was divorcing again with no real explanation and that she was moving to Tennessee. My sister and I had graduated high school already and were living in an apartment together. Worried about mom. Confused.
Cold.
I was scared to death to go through divorce. Was proposed to. Took me a week to respond with an answer. I said yes. Called it off the night before the wedding. Got back together in 6 months. Got married by Justice of the Peace. Divorced 10 years later. Lustful marriage.
Cold.
Then, I got involved in serving at church.
Renewed my relationship with Christ, making Him first. Got involved in a singles life group. Met my now husband two years later and married 9 months later. Honored God throughout our courtship. Blessed beyond measure. No more divorce.
Wholeness in Christ. Wholeness in myself. Forgiveness to my mom and the men that rejected us. Christ was rejected. I’ve learned a lot about love and marriage. I want to give better, love better, serve better, and laugh harder!
Praise God for it all.
Dear Anonymous,
Your words describing divorce are breath-taking! As a child, I’m sure your views and thoughts were skewed as you witnessed much love and separation. What a true testimony for you to rise above – to realize your wholeness and life comes from Christ. Cold is a lonely place to be — hallelujah, you found forgiveness and love that causes you to live, serve, and love better.
Dear Reader,
Have you struggled with divorce? Does your heart still view the act as a cold-lonely place? If so, hear anonymous and the truth — when she chased Jesus and made Him number one then her life changed. Oh how I wish the same for you!
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Wow. This was a great post, Alene. Thanks. My wife and I are both children of divorce, having experienced a combined 7 divorces in our youth. When we met, we shared with each other that when marriage should be a lifetime commitment, otherwise the vows taken at a wedding were worthless. We didn’t realize that we were hoping to marry each other. We’re still together after 11 years, and while we didn’t start our relationship with Jesus Christ as the foundation, we made Him a part of our lives as soon as we could.
Where I work, I hear a lot of stories of men who use scripture and the name of Jesus Christ to make their wives feel obligated to stay in an abusive or unhappy marriage. These men totally miss the point that husbands are called to love their wives the way Jesus Christ loved the church, sacrificially in service.
It may be easy to blame the mother of “Anonymous” for putting her children through divorce after divorce, however in each situation of divorce I’m willing to bet there was a husband who failed to love as Christ loved.
Beautiful words, Jerry! I’m sure you do hear a lot of heart-breaking stories where you work. Thank you for your encouragement here, always!
Your poor mother was constantly seeking happiness, but never truly finding it all while dragging you through an up and down childhood. I have found that when marriage is between you, your spouse and God. Things just go better and you are able to withstand the ups and downs better.
So true, Lisa. So thankful that Anonymous found Christ and a marriage founded on His truths. What a blessing to be shared by many!!
Everyone is looking for someone to spend the rest of their life with and that’s what your mother was doing. Unfortunately, you got caught up in all of that. It’s painful to go through a divorce once, but experiencing it thrice is somewhat devastating to you, but most especially to your mom. Nobody wants to have a broken family and no one wants to be alone forever. Maybe your mom was just trying to give you the complete family that you and your sibling deserve. Sometimes, it makes me think that divorce gives people an excuse not to work on their marriages anymore. It gives them that security that whenever they experience something bad, it gives them the opportunity to bail out on their partner, which I think is the real downside of divorce. I’m just happy that you found your happy ending, and that you didn’t lose hope finding your “the one”.
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