I had the opportunity to share a beautiful meal sitting across the table from a mentor. We were engrossed in conversation for what seemed hours talking of what God was doing in our lives and where He was taking us. A magical moment that had to end way too early.
Before turning in to bed late that night, I checked emails. Scrolling through there was one from a friend talking about the awesome things God was doing in her life and where He was taking her.
As I read about her appointment from God, it seemed so exciting. So big. So right.
All of a sudden, her call seemed better than mine.
That’s when the crazy voices in my head took over.
The committee that lives there (it’s a big committee!) was convincing me that I was not good enough for a call like my friend’s. That what I was doing was insignificant. That maybe, just maybe, God loved her more. Mercy!
Before I knew it I had worked myself up in to a full-blown pity party topped off with a dose of jealousy.
Comparison kills.
In the course of a couple of hours, I had gone from such a spiritual high talking about what God was doing in my life to such a low wishing I was somebody else. I crawled into bed deflated and depressed.
I’m not proud to admit this. But chances are maybe some of you feel this way too. You see your friends and what they are doing with their lives and you feel neglected by God. You want their lives!
Waking up the next morning, I felt a breath of fresh air wisp through my soul. I knew it was time to lay it out in prayer before God. I’m going to abbreviate the raw prayer I wrote out. (Sorry I can’t share the whole prayer for fear you’d really think I’ve gone nuts!)
And so my journaled prayer to my heavenly Father went something like this.
I’m so tired of comparing my journey to others.
I’m so tired of thinking what I do is not good enough.
I’m tired of wanting and wishing for more.
I’m tired of the crazy cries within my heart.
I’m tired of wondering what I’m doing with my life.
Lord, why can’t I just rest in the fact that You love me and that I am enough? (here’s a great post on being enough, the whisper that changed my life)
Today Lord, I will rest.
I will rest knowing that You have called me to this place at this time.
I will rest knowing Your hand is upon me.
I will rest knowing that You called, I listened, and I followed.
I will rest knowing that I am your friend.
I will rest knowing that my journey is Your journey. Amen.
And you, have you ever found yourself tired of your selfishness?
Do you need to join me in resting?
It’s time we quit comparing ourselves and our journey’s to one another. God didn’t call us to walk out the calling of our friend. He calls us to something much bigger — a path of our own. [click to tweet that awesome truth]
A path where we’ll meet and serve people that will not come across our friend’s path. It’s a path God specifically called you and I to. A path that needs to be embraced with everything we have.
Today, I rest from looking around at others and wanting to be them. The sad thing is that while you and I look left and right to see who is doing what and wishing we were doing that — we are missing the precious people God has placed right in front of us to love and serve.
What do you need to rest from?
I love your heart. Its so true darkness comes to steal our joy whenever we compare but dang it happens so fast you hardly even think twice and then POW. I will rest knowing …I’m no mistake….and neither are you.
I always don’t think I measure up…I could be better or doing more. It is comforting to know first that I’m not alone and second that I am good enough for Him.
I am definitely guilty of this, in fact while I was scrolling down your blog, my second thought was (after I read your wonderful words) was, why can’t I have a cool blog design like that? But thank you for this reminder. I need it often. Beautiful words of encouragement. Lori
You are too cute!!!
Alene,
Really resonated with this post. I struggle with comparisons. Can’t see how we can sometimes help it when we are in community. Maybe the truth is, we will be tempted. Then we can decide if we’ll bite. Maybe more thankfulness on my part will get me to look around less.
Thankfulness and worship sure do help. Those two ingredients are probably answers to all of life’s problems if I would but remember.
Ughh Alene, I wish I didn’t see myself in this post, but I’m splattered all over it. One of my friends jokingly calls this mindset, “living in Less-Than-Land.” I find myself wandering around there far too often. It’s tragic how we magnify God’s blessings in the lives of others, and minimize them in our own.
Oh my — it is totally “living in less-than-land!” I will remember that.
Oh Yeah! You could have been reading my mind and heart! I so very often (always!) compare myself to others and feel that I am pretty worthless. And then after I’ve convinced myself I’m worthless….I pretty much am! At least for a while til I get over my pity-party!
By the way….I think what you’re doing is awesome!
God bless you friend!!
Marilyn
Oh friend this is just such a good word. How often I have done the same. And when I do it never does my heart any good. There is such a difference in celebrating and comparing. Thank you for sharing today. Blessings!
Thanks for sharing your heart, I know I can relate. Jealousy is a dream killer. I want to freely celebrate with others when good things happen for them not feel unhappy bc something that good didn’t happen to me too..or first. And I want to rest in the assurance that others feel the same about me. This just shows me how much I need God daily to reassure me that I am enough and He has good plans for me too. Beautiful post!