What if I were to write from the floor of my closet? It’s fairly clean. Somewhat organized as I’ve carried clothes to my trunk to give to others. However, I still see mounds of shoes, and probably what many would consider excessive amounts of shirts and britches.
Are you wondering why I need to write from here? I figure if this wardrobe of mine has a hold on me then maybe I should come sit among it and reflect why.
This experimental mutiny against excess, Summer of 7, is no fun. I thought summers were for laughing, friends, and vacations! Can I get a yep, yep, yep, and an amen? I can’t think of a summer where I’ve been this serious. I can honestly say, I’m continually wondering why I said yes to revealing the dark places of my heart through this experiment.
Sitting here in my closet floor, I can plainly see my bickering spirits attitude I’ve had this whole week. I am now on Day 6 of my mutiny on clothes. (know what I’m thinking — hallelujah tomorrow this 7 days is over!) This week has not been pretty — inside or out, but mainly on the inside.
I’ve rescheduled appointments as not to see anyone.
I’ve come to this place, my closet, and mourned for the clothes I could not wear.
I’ve felt ugly and inadequate because of my dress.
I’ve realized my heart is clothed with a wardrobe of pride.
I’ve scheduled a full day at the beach tomorrow because I can’t stand these baggy stretched-out, dirty jeans and t-shirts any longer. I need to breathe fresh air. I long for a new outfit with the fresh rain scent of laundry detergent. I long to feel styled and sassy.
I walked in to a meeting yesterday, it was not mine to reschedule or I would have, and inside I felt dirty. Would others notice how unkept I felt? Would they see the stains on my jeans? Would they sniff and wonder what my new smell was? I walked in with my head a little lower and quickly sat down not wanting anyone to see. I didn’t initiate conversations as I surely didn’t want to explain this whole mutiny happening in my heart.
I soon sensed a friend by my side and a whisper,”Alene, you look so pretty today.”
I squeaked out “thank you” as I felt my throat tighten. Was I going to cry? The truth was I didnt’ feel pretty. I was stumped, because the only thing that had changed was my wardrobe. How could my outward appearance make me feel so ugly? I quickly wanted to explain, these clothes are dirty, stained and a little stinky. I’m having a bad hair day, not to mention a bad attitude. But I didn’t. I simply nodded and kept my crazy thinkin’ to my self.
Coming to God this morning knowing He had a sweet morsel of truth waiting for me, I was left with my heart exposed as He spoke from Colossians 3:12-14,
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. . .regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.”
Oh. Mercy. Could I have been so focused on my wardrobe or lack thereof this week that I missed opportunities to love? Seeing these words written makes my eyes leak. What if I hid away and walked with my head held low and missed sweet moments to show love to others?
What if pride got in the way of love?
What if no one cared what I was wearing or how I smelt and just needed a hug?
What if I could get my self-seeking eyes off myself and see others?
What if a wardrobe full of pride meant missed opportunities to reach others?
Regardless of what I have or have not to wear,
what if I get my rear-end up and out of this closet and clothe myself with love?
Check out these other Summer of 7 blogs dealing with excessiveness.
Beautiful post, Alene. Truly. I’m finding I’m not too frustrated over clothing–but of course, I’ve allowed myself the luxury of detergent! What I’m afraid of? Food. Blech. Bless you, sister!
Misty – detergent sounds awesome. I’ve found my self lingering in the washroom, just to sniff. I truly think you will settle in to the food. It took me two days, but then I loved the simplicity of it all. Still trying to keep with the simplicity of it.
Wow, just wow. So amazing to have you share this experience, this experiment. I am in awe of what the Lord is doing in those of you who are participating.. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing parts of your story here. Grateful…
Love your encouragement girl! It is so timely as I’ve contemplated giving up this whole clothes week with just two days left to go. My mantra this week has been “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”
“I’ve realized my heart is clothed with a wardrobe of pride.”
Love that. I’ve realized over the past few months (years) what an issue of pride I’ve had. I’m actually looking forward to the clothes week to see what comes up.
Looking forward to clothes week . . . my brain can not even compute here on this 6th day. I really thought clothes would be simple and not a biggie – thus I through in the no washing to make it a true sacrifice. MY WORD — it has worked my heart up one side and down the other!!!
Here’s my take on the clothing thing. I know you are trying to simplify…You already have it, maybe the simplification comes in not adding unto it? I don’t know…I’d have an extremely hard time with the clothing aspect of what you are doing. I think I could handle the food…Maybe even cutting down to seven cars. ;) just kidding on the car thing.
You are learning such great lessons. I spent 5 weeks in Honduras one summer and the only mirror where we stayed was a small hand held one. And in Honduras you accept sweat, all day. No matter what. And what I noticed was how freeing it was to not see myself literally and to not be able to look nice because I was always sweating and crazy as it sounds surrendering those “freedoms” was freeing. With love. Laura
Writing from my closet? Oh, I promise you that would motivate me to curb the boots issue.
“What if I could get my self-seeking eyes off myself and see others?”___Yes! What if I could DO that! What might God be able to accomplish through me! Thank you Alene for bringing this to my attention!
God bless you!
Marilyn
I am doing clothes during our vacation to the beach so that I will only have the seven things and no option to sit in the closet and grieve. BUT I have felt (thank so one of these bloggers STUPID suggestion) that I should give up make-up. Ughh, I dread it. I dread it. I dread it. I know that my makeup is vanity and cover-up and pretense. At the beach where I barely wear any anyway, where it is mostly my family, where we hardly go anywhere “fancy” anyway. But I dread it. I’m Prufrock. I prepare a face to meet the faces that I meet.
WOW…beautiful..writing, AND you! Thanks for sharing your heart!!!
My buddy, my best friend that I call brother.. was in chat the other day, he is in MO now. He has decided to ride his bike to Ohio to see me. I asked him how he is holding up? And he replied,
My brother said bathing is problematic/impossible. But he shaved yesterday! He says his clothes are dirty.
I can’t wait for him to get here, I will hug him in any condition, drunk, dirty, sober.. He has gone out of his way to accept me and all of my junk. Listened to me, encouraged me, told me to hang in there. Taught me bible verses and told me not to worry. Bring him safely here, Lord, but Your will and not mine. I hope his journey is a healing one.